Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
