I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
