He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
