There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He felt like a one man threesome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
