I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize