yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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