If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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