she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
