Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
