All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Still dying that you shit outside
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
