hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
