i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
