Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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