Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
