My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
