yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
