maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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