mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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