i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I forget how to act sober
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
