there was a trapeze. enough said
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
