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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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