Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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