I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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