I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
