Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
