I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
