I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
