I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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