Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
