I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
