dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
