dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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