Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
