My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
