How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
