I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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