Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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