matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
