Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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