So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
