I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
