I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
