Are we in a gay sports bar?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drunk is not a location!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
