capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As shirtless as possible
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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