Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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