There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
