fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
