remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
