You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
