At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We left the knife in your bed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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