My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize