Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
