the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
