i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
