first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the day after is always just damage control
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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