you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
