new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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