He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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