Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
