I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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