Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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