giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
