She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
