I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Say something about gay babies.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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