Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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