u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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