I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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