it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
