My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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