You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
