im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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