2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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